Stories
Matilda Hellström – Transitioning to motherhood
1 January 1970
Matilda is a designer, ELLE Sweden blogger, and new mother navigating life, creativity, and identity from her home in Gothenburg. In this candid conversation, she reflects on the early months of motherhood, its joys, challenges, and the quiet moments that matter most.
Hi Matilda. Thanks for agreeing to talk with us. Starting off, how would you describe yourself? Who you are?
Hi team! Of course I wanted to talk to you. I’ve just turned 30 and, when I’m not on parental leave, I work as an Art Director at a small design and advertising agency here in Gothenburg. Oh, and I blog for ELLE Sweden too. I feel my best when I get to create and be creative. That could mean fashion, interiors, gardening, crafts, or photography. As long as I get to channel what’s often simmering inside, I’m content.
My family and I just bought a house that we’re renovating, and I feel good in our calm, but somewhat chaotic, life. I’ve struggled with anxiety since my late teens, and through that, I’ve learned to appreciate the small things in everyday life. A good cup of coffee, a walk in the woods, or a slow morning with the family in front of the morning news. Those are the most important things to me.
You’ve recently had a son. How would you describe motherhood so far?
Yes, my Ferdinand, he’s turning 10 months now. It’s incredible how quickly time passes. Motherhood, in my opinion, is exhausting, life-changing, and completely wonderful. Nothing has ever given and taken so much at the same time. If I was humble before about what it might be like to become someone’s mom, I’m a hundred times more humble now about what it actually is. All the emotions are so big and so new that it can sometimes be hard to navigate. I try to be kind to both myself and Ferdinand in our feelings. It’s the first time for both of us.
“I’ve learned to appreciate the small things in everyday life. A good cup of coffee, a walk in the woods, or a slow morning with the family...”
What have been the biggest changes that you’ve noticed for yourself as you transition into this new role?
Since Ferdinand came and made me a mom, the noise in my head has quieted. He’s made me feel calmer inside. Small things that used to weigh me down or trigger anxiety no longer matter as much. I’ve always been someone driven by performance, but with Ferdinand, I don’t need to perform. I’ve been right for him from the start, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way about anything or anyone before.
Motherhood is full of ups and downs and so many contradictions, but they are rarely discussed on social media or, sometimes, even amongst friends. How do you handle the challenging days?
It really is full of highs and lows. I try to be gentle with myself and lower expectations, especially on the tougher days. I talk to women and moms around me, they usually have such wise things to say. From the beginning, I’ve also tried to trust my gut more than the internet. I do what I believe is best for me and my baby, in our way. I remind myself often that there are as many unique mothers as there are babies, and that no one’s path is more right than another’s. There’s no one I respect more than us moms. If you can be a girls’ girl, then I’m a moms’ mom. I cheer for all mothers, no matter how they choose to do things, as long as both mom and baby are doing well.
“I’ve always been someone driven by performance, but with Ferdinand, I don’t need to perform. I’ve been right for him from the start.”
Loneliness is so often not discussed for women, especially as they transition into the new “role” and piece of their identity as a mother. How has this transition changed how you see yourself? For good or ill?
Yes, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such strong feelings of loneliness as I did during pregnancy and parts of maternity leave. Right now, I’m in a phase where I really feel like I’ve lost parts of myself, but I try to remember that no phase or feeling lasts forever. That helps a little. I miss many parts of Matilda and hope they’ll find space to return soon.
You speak so openly on your blog about how your body has changed since pregnancy and how it has affected your mental health. How does writing about it affect how you feel?
It’s a way for me to release some of what’s spinning and buzzing in my head. I rarely think about the fact that what I write will actually reach someone. It still feels very new to have a platform that reaches quite a few people. When I share the deeper thoughts, I often get lovely responses and the chance to have conversations with different people. It’s so beautiful to hear other perspectives and stories. That, more than anything, is healing, to know you’re not alone.
Do you often turn to writing when you need to sort through your emotions and thoughts or do you have a different way of unwinding?
Yes, writing is one of them. But I’m also quite verbal. Almost always, when something weighs on me, I talk to my husband. He knows me like no one else and can almost always help me sort through my feelings. Nature is another outlet. I grew up in Jämtland and have always spent a lot of time offline and in nature when anxiety knocks. “Touch grass,” as they say. It almost always works.
“It’s so beautiful to hear other perspectives and stories. That, more than anything, is healing, to know you’re not alone.”
Motherhood is one of those “you don’t know until you know” parts of life. What are some things you would tell your past self about preparing for motherhood now that you “know”?
That all feelings are okay. Every single one. (And that it really, REALLY is hard to be on time with a baby.)
Thanks for sharing so openly with us. These aren’t easy topics to discuss. We’ll end with a simpler question, what will your next photo book be called?
Thank you for giving me the space. My next photo book will be called “Ferdinand and France.” We spent six weeks there as a family this spring, and I’ve collected the whole trip in a photo book for him to flip through when he’s older. Until then, we’ll look at it together before bedtime.
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